What I'm Looking For In A Guy (Husband) | Gimme Some Oven (2022)


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What I'm Looking For In A Guy (Husband) | Gimme Some Oven (1)

Alright, I’m back with another post about being single. And while today’s topic is one that I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined I’d be posting online for the whole wide world to see, I’m feeling spontaneous and going for it. Partly because:

1. I’ve been asked the same question three times in the last week, and probably 100+ times since beginning this series — “Well whatare you looking for in a guy nowadays?”

2. It’s been awhile since I’ve really sat down and thought through my answer, as it evolves a bit from year to year.

3. I think it would be quite spectacular to have this URL printed out on business cards to whip out super-fast ninja-style when someone asks the question. Boom.

So here’s my “list” on January 23, 2014. It’s probably a slightly different list than I would have given a year ago. Definitely a different list than 10 years ago. And I have no doubt that as time goes on, it will continue to evolve still. But at least for today, here’s my description for what I’m looking for in a guy (or a husband).

(Video) R Kelly Ignition with lyrics

What I'm Looking For In A Guy (Husband) | Gimme Some Oven (2)
My freshman dorm room door, where my roommate and I posted our “list” about what we were looking for in a boyfriend. Please direct your attention to #11 — “Loves FOOD”. :)

The Infamous “Lists”

Ok, ok, you all know me. I couldn’t dive in without giving just a wee bit of background first, especially on the topic of the all too famous “lists” that single people like to make. You know, The List. The checklist about what you’re looking for in a guy or girl.

For me, they began back in the days of M.A.S.H (anyone?), which my friends and I faithfully scribbled on church bulletins each Sunday when we were supposed to be listening to the sermon. Then they evolved into high school quizzes fromSeventeen and giggling slumber party lists to decide on a homecoming date. Then in college, apparently my roommate and I decided (in all of our 19-year-old wisdom) to post an actual “list” on our dorm room door about what we were looking for in a boyfriend. (To which a group of our guy friends responded with a list of their own — see above.) Then in my twenties, the lists got more serious as I would have long, heartfelt conversations with friends and mentors about what I was looking for in ahusband.

And then…I got really annoyed with these kind of lists. Still probably am. But I’ll make an exception today.

To be honest, I was always a bit of an “old soul” as a kid and never really got swept up in celebrity crushes or unrealistic dreams about what sort of guy I’d actually want to marry. (Well, with the exception of Tim Riggins. The door’s always open for you, Taylor Kitsch.) But without a doubt, my “list” has still evolved over the years, especially as I have watched many, many friends get married and walk through their first decade or two of marriage together — more often than not to amazing spouses who did notprecisely fit their lists. In fact, based on that I’m now pretty muchexpecting the unexpected if I meet a great guy. (I know, just watch me marry someone who’s obsessed with outdoor camping and and cars and cats.)

But to be honest, my wish list for a guy is now much shorter than it used to be. Mostly because I’ve learned how to sort out what the “negotiables” and “non-negotiables” are for me. Some of those lessons come from dating and watching friends’ relationships, but most come from getting to know myself. I’m far from looking for Prince Charming, knowing that I’m certainly not Princess Charming all the time. :) But I’d like to think there’s a guy out there who could be a cool fit for me, and me for him, and that we could spend a marriage learning (key word –learning) how to love one another really well and bring out the best in each other.

So anyway, for inquiring minds who might want to know, here’s my list.

I’m looking for a guy who is:


Like, naturally kind. Not kind just because he thinks it’s the right thing to do, or because he thinks it will benefit him in some way, but deep-downkind.

I think my standards for this come from being raised in the Midwest where — maybe I’m biased — I think we seem to have a surplus of these kind of guys. They are the guys who genuinely want to know how you are doing. They are the guys who lend a hand or give to help someone without thinking twice. They are the guys who quite simply have what I think of as “character”, who you trust and really want to be around.

It’s a hard one to explain, but when I meet a guy who I feel is genuinely kind, it is one of the most attractive things to me. Actually, I’d probably go so far as to say it’sthe most attractive thing to me.

(Video) Markiplier Once Said...

2. A Good Conversationalist

Alternative title for this one? That awesome mix ofSmart+ Curious+Thoughtful.

I believe all of those things come together to form a good conversationalist, which is atotal non-negotiable for me. Actually, let’s frame that more positively — I absolutely adore a guy I enjoy talking to.

I know girls sometimes get a bad rap for being the ones who always “want to talk”. But I quite frankly can’t imagine marrying a guy who doesn’t want to talk. The coolest guys I know (and have dated) are the ones who love the art of conversation, and are always interested in really getting to know people and what’s happening in the world. And who don’t shy away from a good conversation.

I mean, let’s be real. Looks? Sex? Careers? Hair? There are so many things about relationships that probably won’t be a major factor when we’re both 80. But being able to look each other in the eye and talk about the big, the small, the serious, the funny, the difficult, the exciting, the hopeful things about life? Call me crazy, but that’s one of the things I’m most looking forward to in a marriage. To have a guy I love to talk to as we begin our relationship together, all the way until we’re holding hands talking in a nursing home as we end our lives together? That’s something I dream about.

And all the better if he’s a bit of a funny lad, since I tend to take life a little (ok, a lot) too seriously at times. ;)

3. A Thoughtful Christian

People might assume that this is an obvious one on the list for me, but it’s probably the most nuanced of them all. Or maybe it’s the most straightforward of them all. Basically, I consider myself a Christian, and would love to find a guy who says the same. Quite simply, I’m looking to marry a guy who’s interested in learning how to follow Jesus.

That said, I’m well aware that the “C” word encompasses avast array of people with different backgrounds, different traditions, different viewpoints (theologically, politically, relationally, you name it), and more. And to each, his or her own. Faith is such a personal thing, and I have full respect for how everyone lives that out in a way that’s true to who they are. But for me, I’m looking for a guy who is quite simply — as Jesus said — really interested in seeking to love the Lord and his neighbor as himself. Someone who gets that life is not always black and white, but who believes that there is a purpose and hope and Creator behind it all. Someone who prays, someone who is a part of a community seeking to follow Christ, and someone who humbly wants to learn and serve Him.

That said, this one is probably the one item on the list that whittles down the pool of guys out there the most, because I’m not just looking for a guy who goes to church. Or who checks the “Christian” box on Match.com. I’m looking fora guy who really and thoughtfully lives a life of faith, and often those guys seem harder to find.

But that said, I know plenty of awesome guys out there like this who exist — who are inquisitive, and hopeful, and open-minded, and honest, and real about faith — and anytime I’m around them I’m reminded how important and attractive and exciting that sort of faith is to me. Especially those who have really wrestled with faith and have come out still wrestling but worshipping. So forgive me if I’m not articulating it well, but this is something I just really hope and look for in a guy. (And big bonus if he lives in KC and can come to my church, which is just about my favorite place on earth. But I know, I know, that’s a “negotiable”. I’m flexible too.) :)

4. Attractive

You didn’t think I’d leave this one off the list, did you?!

(Video) R. Kelly - Ignition (Remix) (Lyrics)

Heck yes! I never been one of those girls to just look for a guy who has a “great personality”. I want a guy who I’m attracted to. Or really, let’s be real, a guy who I want to kiss.

I went through that stage in my early twenties when I thought that the noble thing to do was give guys a “chance” with dating, even if there was zero chemistry. But that didn’t last long, because I’m pretty much convinced that physical attraction is a mustin getting things started. Sure, it can grow the more you get to know someone, but there has to be at least something there to start with. And after being single this long, I damn well hope that I find a guy who makes my heart beat a little faster when I see him. :)

That said, though, anything on a “list” for physically attraction has become pretty much negotiable. 10 years ago, I would have said tall, dark, handsome and skinny. (Yep, was always drawn to the basketball players.) Nowadays, I’d just say someone I find attractive, who is at least a few inches taller than me. I know. Height should probably be on the negotiable list, but I’m really hoping it doesn’t have to be.

I feel like it should also be noted that as I get older, I tend to find more guys attractive whom I might not have considered years ago. But the fact still remains that some guys are more attractive to me, and others are more attractive to others. It all somehow seems to miraculously balance out in the world. But I’m definitely looking for a guy who I can tell my friends I think is “cute”.

5. Someone Who’s Been Through Something Tough

Ok, this one may sound weird. But I kind of hope that I find someone who has been through something difficult in life. Not that I wish that on anyone, but I feel that things like heartbreak, loss, pain, injury, grief, and disappointment have this way of shaping us like nothing else in life. And — in a weird way, I would love to meet someone who has been through that.

Partly because I’d love to know that they have some sort of grid for navigating through rough times if (make thatwhen) they come for us as a couple, and that they won’t run away. But also because I think that tough times build character, and I’m looking for someone who doesn’t fear the worst but knows how to press through and find goodness on the other side.

See? I told you I was way too realistic for my own good. But the interesting thing about being single in your thirties is that I’ve not only had the chance to watch friends go through their first years of marriage, but I’ve watched them also walk through really rough times and separation and divorce and know how confusing and difficult those times can be. And how helpful it is when someone knows a bit what it’s like before something terrible happens. Not to say that someone who has lived a charmed life can’t have character or perseverance or faith or strength to make it through. But I would prefer to date and marry someone who has been there at least once before.

The good news about dating in your thirties is that I think those sort of people outweigh the others, thanks to good ol’ time.

6. A Traveler

This one could arguably be on the “negotiable” list, but I really really hope that it isn’t. I wouldloveto marry a man who loves to travel!!!

I think this ties back into #2, as someone who’s curious. The older I get, the more I really want to make traveling and seeing the world a priority in my life. I know that different seasons bring opportunities for travel, and Disney World or a trip to visit the grandparents might be the most realistic option when you have young kids. But even then, I hope to budget time and money in my life togo places. And I’d love a guy who wants to do the same.

(Video) Qveen Herby - Sugar Daddy

7. Wants Kids

The thing I didn’t quite expect about turning 30 was seeing the possibility of having kids called into question. I know I’m still “young”, or so I’m told, but it’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to over the past few months. And while I’m working really hard on starting to make myself “go there” and reallythink through and come to peace with the reality of what my life would be like if Idon’t get the opportunity to have kids, it has also made me realize how much I still do hope to have kids.

So if I get married at an age when that’s possible, I really hope to marry a guy who’s on the same page with that as well. Parenthood freaks me out, but it would be an honor and a true gift to get to try it out, especially with a great guy as our kids’ dad.

8. Loves…

  • his family — very important, no matter how awesome or dysfunctional they may be
  • his job — would really love a guy who enjoys and finds meaning in what he does for a living
  • to serve — volunteering, raking leaves for the neighbors, helping with dishes, you name it — service is sexy
  • to give — especially time and money, freely and thoughtfully
  • food!!!— I mean, hello, I need a taste-tester!
  • lukewarm food — although let’s be real, most of the blog food I eat is lukewarm after photographing :)
  • to have fun — someone who really knows how to laugh and enjoy life is a must

9. Someone I Really Like!

And respect. And admire. And think is rad. And just in general enjoybeing with.

I’ve dated plenty of guys who quite simply didn’t fully fit that bill. I didn’t really like them. And it wasn’t fun. And it wasn’t worth the time away from my friends. So until I find a guy who I really like, you get to enjoy more single posts from the ol’ blog. But I’m hoping that there’s some guy out there who I’ll really like who might change that eventually. I guess we will see. :)

The End

I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but that seems close enough for now.

I will say, I never thought I’d be making a “list” for a guy at age 30. But I guess the good news is that I at least like this list much better than the one I had a decade ago. So for all inquiring minds, I hope you enjoy it.

(And please know that this is NOT a call for you to go emailing this post to any and all single men you know. I’m doing just fine.) :)

So to all of you single and married and “in a relationship” folks — what is on your lists? What life experiences would you add to this conversation?

Here are my other posts about being single:


What I'm looking for in a man examples? ›

  • He's smart. ...
  • He makes you laugh. ...
  • He actively supports your career. ...
  • He makes as much effort with your friends and family as you do with his. ...
  • He's emotionally intelligent. ...
  • He respects your opinions and listens to what you have to say. ...
  • He's willing to put the work in. ...
  • He celebrates your achievements.
Oct 13, 2020

What are you looking for in a husband? ›

Everyone wants a spouse that will value and respect your feeling and emotions. If he is giving due respect to others, that means he will also behave well with you. No one wants a spouse who will not respect her. Emotionally stable: You must be looking for someone who is loyal, committed and emotionally stable.

What are you looking for in a partner? ›

Kindness, loyalty, and understanding (not looks, status, and excitement). When people are asked to list the most important qualities in a potential partner, kindness, physical attractiveness, an exciting personality, and income/earning potential tend to top the list.

What a woman wants in a husband? ›

Women want a husband that they can count on, and this hasn't changed in recent years. Yes, women look to their spouse to be a lover and friend, but they also want him to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that he will be there and will be loyal.

What qualities you look for in a man? ›

Character traits: Faithfulness, dependability, kindness (67 percent of women said they find it a turn-on), moral integrity, fatherliness (defined as patience and caring and desire to be a dad).

What are attractive qualities in a guy? ›

A great man is considered physically attractive when they are compassionate, caring, and loving. If they would make a good father or lifelong companion, these define the qualities of a great man.

What qualities do you look for in a future husband? ›

Qualities of a Good Man to Marry
  • He has good manners. ...
  • He admits his shortcomings. ...
  • He enjoys your company. ...
  • You have similar life view. ...
  • He never places restrictions on you or the relationship. ...
  • He respects your family and friends. ...
  • He can satisfy you in bed. ...
  • He can face challenges.
Aug 27, 2021

What to say when a guy asks what you are looking for? ›

Say This If He Asks You, "What Are You Looking For?" - YouTube

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship? ›

5 essentials for a healthy relationship
  • 1: Open communication. One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly. ...
  • 2: Listening and feeling heard. Having someone listen to us and feeling heard is important. ...
  • 3: Working through disagreements. ...
  • 4: Mutual intimacy. ...
  • 5: Trust.

What are the 3 most important things in a relationship? ›

What Are the Three Most Important Things in a Relationship?
  1. Intimacy. You may think of the sexual aspect of relationship when you hear the word intimacy, but this relational building block covers so much more. ...
  2. Commitment. ...
  3. Communication.
May 28, 2021

What are the quality of a good husband? ›

A good husband respects his wife and her opinions and beliefs. Understanding, accepting and respecting the fact that your wife is still a separate being from you, who has different ideas, dreams, and opinions, is important in a marriage. It would be best if you respected your wife's wishes and needs.

What makes a man love a woman? ›

These three elements provide a man a strong sense of attachment, sexual compatibility, and security, making them fall head over heels in love with you. The support and emotional connection they feel with you also pull them closer, among other things.

What every woman needs from a man? ›

Traits of Relational Sensitivity
  • Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion. ...
  • Friendship between men and women is also desired. ...
  • Emotional maturity is essential. ...
  • Being supportive of the women in your life can do a world of good.
Jun 4, 2018

What do men want in a wife? ›

Men love women who are thoughtful, caring, loving and kind. A woman who does little things for her man for no other reason other than that she loves him. A woman who makes him smile back whenever she smiles at him. A woman who radiates love and warmth from her heart.

What do men want in a relationship? ›

Men want love as badly as women do. They just might not always be as obvious about it. But generally, they want the same thing: friendship, companionship, chemistry.

What makes a man happy in marriage? ›

"Just being in a relationship and being committed to it, just showing up every day is an expression of [his] love," Chethik said. So what makes a man happy in a marriage? "Acceptance and appreciation. We want to be needed," he said.

What do I want from a husband? ›

So, read along to know what makes a good husband.
  • Great communication. Communication is the foundation of any great relationship. ...
  • He views you as his partner. ...
  • A desire to be with you. ...
  • He is trustworthy. ...
  • Talking about the future. ...
  • He makes you laugh. ...
  • You share core values. ...
  • He makes your relationship a priority.
Apr 23, 2021

How do you say you are looking for a serious relationship? ›

“All you need to do is say, 'Looking for a LTR' or 'Hoping to meet someone that could develop into a LTR'.” Being straightforward is a good way to improve your chances of matching with someone who wants the same things. However, being defensive about those desires is not, warns Resnick.

What is the most important thing in a relationship for a man? ›

The relationship must haves all come down to personality, with 98% of men saying the most important thing for them is finding a partner that treats them with respect.

What makes a relationship last? ›

The couple's bond can be described as deep, comfortable, and caring. Research demonstrates that the happiest, most long-lasting couples are best friends: They enjoy each other's company, rely on one another for emotional support, spend their leisure time together, and share many things in common.

What makes a relationship successful? ›

A 'good relationship' means different things to different people. However, good adult relationships generally involve 2 people who respect and can communicate with each other, and have equal rights, opportunities and responsibilities.

What are the red flags in a relationship? ›

Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.

What is the most important thing in a romantic relationship? ›

One of the most important parts of a relationship is to trust one another completely. You have to be able to trust that they won't stray and you trust them with your feelings. You have to trust each other enough to be vulnerable on an emotional and physical level, too.

What is the biggest thing in a relationship? ›

Good communication is one of the most important aspects to having a healthy relationship. When starting a new relationship, it's important to be able to talk about what you both want and expect.

What words Make a man fall in love? ›

5 Texts To Make A Man Fall In Love With You - YouTube

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship? ›

5 essentials for a healthy relationship
  • 1: Open communication. One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly. ...
  • 2: Listening and feeling heard. Having someone listen to us and feeling heard is important. ...
  • 3: Working through disagreements. ...
  • 4: Mutual intimacy. ...
  • 5: Trust.

How do you answer what you are looking for in a relationship? ›

Honesty: “I want to be with someone that accepts me for who I am, and who understands that there are some things that I do not want to change.” Bluntness: “I will never change for you no matter how much you ask.” The second method is a great example of how to respond to “what are you looking for in a relationship”.

What should a woman expect from a man in a relationship? ›

Women desire a man who is honorable, fair, and ethical. In terms of relationships, having integrity can help strengthen the bond a man has with a woman, as his moral principles will guide his behavior and help him to be the best partner that he can be.

What is most important thing in a relationship? ›


Good communication is one of the most important aspects to having a healthy relationship. When starting a new relationship, it's important to be able to talk about what you both want and expect.


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